继续，继续，继续忙。项目不见搞定，竟然又冒出来新的，还一个比一个不成样子，一个比一个要求紧迫。
不过我发了真气，竟然在8点前把给大头儿B的两份东西之一完成了。下一份留给明天拼命用吧。
继续明细:
1。这几天在看BACK TO THE FUTURE三部，真好看哪，哈哈。80年代科幻怎么这么逗。(嗯，这个似乎已经明细过一次了。。。)
2。本科时候买的两本书，一本叫人体工程学图解，一本叫图形思考什么的，一直很喜欢，一路带过来的，好多年之后才发现就是在美国也是经典好书来着，我真有眼光阿，简直是在无尽的黑暗中可贵的一点慰藉。何况一本才40人民币，一本50人民币买的。AMAZON上英文原版竟然原价$70。我现在开始怀疑，我的人品都在本科时候爆发光了，自己还不知道。哼。
3。今天受到了蘑菇的夸奖，我不免觉得很慰藉，估计下午干活这么猛都是被夸的。虽然蘑菇喜欢脸红，还是给我亲一下吧~~~
嗯，最近实在是快崩溃了。
不光忙。而且还忙着受气，忙着着急，忙着忙。
见字如见我msn叭，兄弟们。其实我一直挂着，你们叫我我就是老顾不上理–这就是有俩电脑一起用的特点啦。
近日明细:
1. 瘦掉2磅。
2. 上班路上开始莫名其妙地想念我那个万年老坑双生。靠，为什么忙成这样却又想写故事呢，再一想，靠，似乎好多个月都没有闲得有空写故事了阿。
3. 80年代科幻片真好看
4. 咖啡因很重要
5. 做了几个异常奇怪的梦
6. 我真想回北京休假阿!!!!!
周末到山上去。C准备了白糖水，灌在喂鸟器里，招来几只红脖子的小蜂鸟来吸食。
天气阴霾，雨下了停停了下，阳台外面的树上又闹毛毛虫灾，我穿着风衣，戴上帽子，一身鸡皮疙瘩地站在状如雨下的毛毛虫粪和随时可能掉在我脸上的毛毛虫中
间，捧着相机等蜂鸟光临。小东西们又警觉，又敏捷，我镜头上的stablizer还发出一种跟蜂鸟轰鸣类似的嗡嗡声，要抓到它们还真不容易。基本上都不是
靠看的，而是靠听的–它们飞来飞去像蜜蜂一样嗡嗡响，暴露目标啦。唉，前一阵还在羡慕人家的微距镜头，现在又开始羡慕专门拍鸟的超长镜头了。
站在随时会发生的可能性量子云中间，听鸟鸣，调匀呼吸，同时放眼四望和瞄准，平静又警醒地时刻准备着按快门–很不脸红地说，我当时觉得还很有禅意来着。嘿嘿嘿。
其实最喜欢这张。逆光，好像国画一般。
回家之后发现车道边上的矮树上有只蜂窝，正好在开车门的地方，大约大腿那么高，以后还真得小心出入了:(
我和狗的缘分是从小时候跟我们家那只名唤"赖皮"的狗就开始了的。此狗得名于其逢人便谗毫无狗格的作风，作为生长在新旧交接(改革开放初期)、养狗还大都为看家护院的时代的普通四眼儿狗，它的宠物特性已经这么强，不得不被冠以略含贬义的爱称如此。
但饶是这么一只以谗媚献爱为毕生事业的狗，也不买我的账。每天晚饭后我放着作业不做，誊出精神来要跟它玩，它都总是躲在走廊的沙发底下，宁愿跟那儿放着的众鞋埋头搏斗，也不答理我。于是，我就会蹲在沙发前头，脑袋半探进沙发底下，对它深情呼唤: 赖皮~出来叭~赖皮~赶紧出来~赖皮，赖皮~你给你出来嘛~赖皮~~~你给我出来!!! 一开始它还不理我，做我不带你玩你怎么着叭状，后来我喊得声音大了，它就开始回应。我喊一句，它呜呜一句，我再喊一句，它再呜呜一句，我再大声点，它就开始叫了，跟我的喊声一应一和，此起彼落。
赖皮! 呜~~赖皮你给我出来!!呜~汪汪汪~ 赖皮你还不出来，打屁股了!!!呜~汪汪汪汪!!!赖皮!!!你给我现在就出来!!!!汪汪汪汪汪汪汪汪汪汪汪汪汪!!!!!
当人狗吵架进行到一定白热化程度，我妈就会闻声从客厅里出来对付我们。只要她前脚一踏进走廊，门边沙发底下的赖皮就会突然、以迅雷不及掩耳之势缩回最靠里面的角落，一声都不肯坑了。我妈每每得意非凡地大笑: 看，狗都知道欺负谁!
=======
出国之后，用英文名Lucy，是偷懒明抢了我妈的，一开始遭到很多人赞，说是个40，50年代的旧名字，现在很少有人叫了，因此很难重名，而且让人觉得很经典。后来我发现，这个人叫剩下的名字虽然难跟人重，可是却很容易跟宠物重阿!!!!
去博物馆–别墅房顶上的马形风向标镂空四个字母:Lucy,是主人当年最喜欢的马的纪念。去狗展览骆骆看上一种面目奇异的小观赏犬，回来一google,竟然说是中国种，世界狗比赛冠军名曰"lulu"(我研究生同学叫我lulu)。在纽约街头跟朋友吃早饭，身边人行道上溜狗的川流不息，其间路过一只酷似灰狼的大狗，我们都转身去看，结果主人正好是朋友认识的，不免打打招呼寒喧几句，得知此狗正是有1/4狼血统，怪不得这么酷，再听主人唤她，又是"Lucy"。去某公司面试，一进门先见一只金毛大帅狗冲我奔来，后面跟着一人貌似面试官，一边跑一边喊:Lucy! 我心中激动赶紧起立，才听对方继续喊:Lucy!Come back here baby!
一年前我决定，不要叫lulu了，太容易跟宠物重了，逼骆骆给我起个新名字，他随口说，那就Bobo叭。不是波波，不是宝宝，是波-欧，波-欧。这天看电视，一部宠物用品店广告里一只很可爱的香肠狗横叼一只比它自己还要长的粉红色香肠狗状狗玩具，睡觉、游戏、外出，都舍不得离开它，眼见都脏了旧了，主人不得不趁它睡着时候把玩具扔掉，又带狗狗来宠物商店 — 一进门，宠物店店员就热情地招呼狗狗过来，然后突然发现它最爱的粉红狗玩具不见了，很关切地问道: where is Bobo?????
骆骆大笑到岔气儿，我一头扎进沙发靠垫里拒绝见人了。
(找到此广告视频，供大家同乐)
周末玩得爽，可是也有倒霉事。比如，脚趾头上被什么虫子叮了4个油光发亮的大包，全部在关节处，先是痒，挠了之后就疼，忍着不理它，就一会疼一会痒地折腾，不消停。星期天晚上因此醒了好几回，半夜仰在床上，挠也不是不挠也不是，跟它拼命。星期一去买了Hydrocortisone药膏来涂，可以暂时缓解一下，可是大包一点不见小，碰了就是红的，不碰周围是红的包是黄的大肿块。晚上几次起来涂药是小，早上什么鞋都穿不进去是大，最后只好穿凉鞋，可是凉鞋的带子正好盖过最严重的大脚趾，走两步，就在该死的大包上蹭两下，烧得难受。
这到底是什么毒虫阿，为什么光叮我的脚趾头呢?!
其实脚面和腿上也有好几个，不知道是因为是别的虫子干的呢，还是因为不在关节上，感觉就跟一般蚊子包差不多，挠挠，或者不理，都还过得去。看来一样的杀伤力，选准位置可以事半功倍哪!!!
===============
最近过得比较杂乱，周末又老往外跑，家里的事都没精力折腾了。所以这周决定不带笔记本回家，这样就不会晚饭后窝在沙发上一边看无聊的电视一边上网咧。(遭到某些人的强烈抗议，不过，嘿，难道你们不该支持我的自救行为么?!)
这周的计划还有:
1。寄包裹
2。拍下班路上的一片山坡
3。洗无数衣服
4。吃青菜水果，喝水
5。看完the stranger in the strange land(估计这周是看不完地。。。)
就这样吧
=========
well, i guess it’s true that plans are always chased around by changes. As soon as I set the objectives of this week, DK showed up to ask me to step in the conference room with my presentation…that led to discussion, then arguments, then decision making and then deadline smacking on my head.
That’s the way it is, huh?
So my plan is changed to:
1.finish everything by thursday morning.
2.presentation Friday morning.
3.go home as soon as CEO leaves on Friday
4.do laundry and send package when I get home on Friday.
see how flexible I am?
星期六晚上在玛丽贝斯家的慈善酒会，目的是为一个救助家庭暴力中受害妇女的组织捐款。主人请来了两位Jazz乐手，完全即兴(从未合练过)地演奏助兴。贝斯手尤其幽默可爱，满头白发，边演奏边哼唱，完全陶醉其中。
夕阳下的贝斯
吉它手
吉它手的手
贝斯手(77岁了)。原来是外科医生。
最近我跟引墨简直太心有灵犀了, 她每次改个msn名字，我都惊艳地大叫一回。为啥我们俩正在琢磨的问题这么相似阿。前一阵子她说，打扫卫生不可怕，可怕的是拖拉着不打扫的焦躁；后来她又说，心平气和与语出惊人之间关系真微妙；还有一次她说，人，跟描述一个人的语言及影像到底是什么区别和联系。当然，她感慨作卫生、作人、处世的种种起因，跟我的感慨都是不同的，可是阴差阳错地，我们竟然这么凑巧地一次一次同事思考相同的问题。她感慨人和描述一个人的语言影像，是因为她的那部纪录片，而我昨天再次想起她的话，是因为扬子发给我一张照片，非说像我。
说实话，那张侧面生活照还真的有点像我，尤其是脑门和眼角不完美的弧度。我当然没有人家美，不过乍一看还是吓了一跳。问扬子，这人谁阿。他说，似乎是个中央台的主持人，最近出了本书，叫什么什么。我就多事去搜索了一下，发现这本书的确切名字在好几个人最近的 msn名字后坠上也出现过，好奇更盛起来，干脆找了本在线阅读飞快地读了个大概。
这位美女主持人还真不简单，从小就长得很好看，后来出国也吃了很多苦。换了我，如果知道出国不能专心求学，而是要打餐馆洗厕所地浪费时间，我还真不会出–人生这么短，有大好年华应该多学多做自己喜欢和擅长的事阿。不过这个只是我个人的一点小微辞，当时个人特殊情况和时代不同，我还是很钦佩她无论怎样都没有退缩的精神。再后来在国外她"经过朋友推荐"又进入了电视圈，书中没有细说，我又有了一点微辞: 这个恐怕也不是随便一个留学生能遇到的吧，说是到国外完全从头开始，却还是要有或者家庭或者原先朋友的帮助吧。当然这根本没有什么错，问题只在于，既然有，最好就不要白纸黑字地渲染如何没有。不过即便这样，她也还是很不容易，以外国人的身份进入主流电视台主持节目，从教学中文节目开始，至少外语应该很好才能进入、一直做下去。后来写到她为了父母毅然回国，我也很佩服。再之后她在中央电视台工作，结婚，生子，很美满的样子。
总体的印象觉得这个人很有勇气，到一个新的陌生的环境都可以从头干起，这真的不是一件容易的事。虽然我对她一次一次推倒重来的原因有些不同意见，对她所谓完全推倒重来的说法不甚信服(毕竟还是在同一行业)，但是我希望有一天我(无论因为什么原因)决定重新开始的时候，也可以这样义无反顾，这样勇敢。
我注意到她回国开始在中央电视台工作，是2000年，可是看她的照片我基本回忆不起来当年是否在电视上见过她，一直打着一个问号。直到晚上我才突然想起来，阿，就是她阿。我还记得当年中央电视台的这个还算红火的节目每过一段时间就会换主持人，记不清是什么时候突然换了一个个子小小的，瘦瘦的，黑黑的新女主持，一来就显得很拘禁不自然的样子，男主持人高大自信，说什么，女的就在一边频繁点头，好容易说话还口齿不清似的。(加上她的长相有点广东味道，放在港剧刚开始流行的时候估计算洋气，过时之后再冒出来这么一位，更觉得有点土。我不喜欢广东味道的长相，其实主要是因为我自己就是广东长相，而我很不喜欢，嘿嘿嘿。) 当时我跟我妈还评论她怎么显得那么做作那么无脑。这跟她自传里隐约提到的就对上号了，什么"在X国时女主持人都是男主持人旁边的附属品，要坚持赞同对方的意见，我是中国人，相比之下会有更多自己的观点"，什么"刚回国时候被观众骂为花瓶"，还有"回国的时候普通话说不好，描述的话说不清楚"等等等等。读到的时候没有在意，觉得说话不甚流畅对于一个出国10年刚回来的人来说是颇正常的，而跟x国的女人形象有出入也是应该的。可是对上号以后才想起来这个不流畅到什么地步，而在x国时候跟当地文化有一定区别的同时、其实又被其文化影响到了什么地步。一下子，她的照片跟印象中电视上的黑瘦女孩也对上了，确实是一个人，但是照片明显没有那么黑瘦，照片上的样子也没有那么拘禁别扭。当然我当时看的恐怕是她刚开始的阶段，后来应该改善很多了。要在美女如林的电视台做到现在，估计也不能一直那样。
我忍不住想，如果当年她开始主持那个节目的时候我知道她经历的一切，会不会还那样断然地反感她，觉得她又做作又无脑呢? 如果我没有看过她的节目，光凭读她的自述，应该会非常佩服羡慕、绝无其他想法吧?
而一个人，和描述她自己的语言，以及她自己的影像之间，到底是什么样复杂的相似与不同呢!
突然觉得那张侧面照不那么像我了，是因为看过正面、顶面、背面照了吧。
昨天在极度郁闷中读到这个，晕了过去。 This article is one of a series on the Read over the following 先看看你是不是属于消极怠工那种人:
Pattern
System, a way of understanding personality that looks at the various
parts of your psyche rather than your personality as a whole. Each
article focuses on a specific personality pattern. This one highlights
the Procrastination Pattern.
statements to see if they apply to you under some circumstances:
-我老不排主次做决定
-生活中该做的改变我老推迟不动
-我在项目中间卡住然后就任其为之
-我老是被别的事吸引了注意力然后就把必须得做的给忘了
-我老是不去做那些可能有出错的危险或者需要当众出头露面的事
-我每天在那想阿计划阿做白日梦阿，就是不动手
-我每天都在放松享乐而不去做重要的事
-我有一些特别想做的事，可是就是一直都开始不了
-我老是能开头可是都坚持不下来
-我会错过项目的最后期限，或常常在到期前一晚熬夜赶工
-我常常对自己答应要做的事不能兑现诺言
 |
I avoid taking actions that I know are needed |
|
I can’t get my priorities clear or make decisions that would allow me to take action |
|
I put off making needed changes in my life |
|
I get stuck in the middle of a project and let it slide |
|
I get distracted and forget about something that has to be done |
|
I avoid doing certain things that involve risk or putting myself out publicly |
|
I spend my time thinking, planning, or daydreaming but I don’t actually take action |
|
I spend my time relaxing and enjoying myself rather than doing something important |
|
There is something I really want to do, but I never get around to it |
|
I start on a practice of discipline or self-care, but I don’t stick with it. |
|
I miss a deadline for a project at work (or school) or stay up all night to get it finished |
|
I don’t carry thru on something I have committed to do |
If some of these statements apply to you, you may
have a Procrastination Pattern, even if they only apply to you under
certain circumstances. Personality patterns aren’t the same as
personality types. A pattern represents only a part of you, and it
doesn’t have to be a dominant or pervasive part. You may procrastinate
only about certain actions or in particular situations.
The Procrastination Pattern is a trailhead to
transformation. By paying attention to this pattern and exploring
yourself, you can transform your ability to take action. This article
can help you understand the Procrastination Pattern and learn how to
accomplish what you want in your life.
If the above statements fit someone you know, this
article can you help you understand them and how to relate to them more
effectively.
基本症状比如避重就轻，拖拉，不履行承诺，不遵循计划，自己觉得没意思没兴趣的事尤其明显。很多时候还是无意的、出于潜意识或者习惯的那么做。比如本来要学习，却因为房间乱拿不起书来，可是说收拾房间却也提不起来。还有人上班就玩游戏，任务勉强完成，自己也知道，可是改不了。这个是长期的、形成习惯了得一种行为模式，跟单纯的犯懒还是有很大区别的。
If you have a Procrastination Pattern, you tend to
avoid certain kinds of action. You may avoid tasks that have to be done
that you don’t particularly enjoy. You may also avoid things you really
want to do, especially activities that involve taking risks and the
possibility of failure. You may start a project but not stay with it or
not complete it. Or it takes you so long to finish it that you miss
important deadlines.
Procrastination usually happens out of awareness.
People who procrastinate rarely make a conscious decision not to do
something. They just go along with their lives, and after a while they
realize that they haven’t done the task. They got distracted with other
things. They got lost in thought. They spent time relaxing, partying,
having fun. Sometimes they worked hard doing things that were less
important than the task they were avoiding.
For example, Joe was working on a creative video
project that he was very excited about. However, he felt that he needed
to really clean up his home-office before he would feel comfortable
doing it. And this seemed to take forever. Then he found himself
exercising and cooking rather than working on the project. He finally
realized he was avoiding it.
Sometimes it isn’t a specific task that you are
avoiding. It is the thinking and planning that would be required for you
to take action. You never seem to find the time to do it. Alternatively
you may think and plan obsessively but never actually make a decision
about what to do. For example, Angie was tired of her current occupation
and really wanted to find something that was more creative and
meaningful for her. She made lists of interesting lines of work. She
thought over different possibilities. She weighed the pros and cons of
various directions. But she couldn’t make up her mind. There were too
many options; she felt confused. Then for long stretches she would just
get caught up in her current job and life and forget about a new career.
As a result of procrastination, important tasks are
left undone or get done late. Projects may be done poorly because they
had to be rushed at the last minute. Life decisions are postponed. You
may feel stuck in your life because the changes you want to make never
quite materialize. Achievement and advancement are put off or abandoned
because you don’t take the steps to make them happen. I coach people in
finding and actualizing their life purpose and their ideal career (see
www.lifepurposecoaching.com), and the Procrastination Pattern is one
of the biggest roadblocks to making their dreams come true.
In Groups and Organizations. At work or
school, procrastination often leads to missing deadlines for projects.
This is a classic problem for students. Procrastination sometimes means
not living up to commitments you make to other people in a group or
organization. For example, Sean was given a major project with a
deadline, and because he wanted a promotion, he committed himself to
getting it finished and doing a great job. However, he seemed to get
involved in chatting with co-workers a lot. He found himself playing
games on his computer. He would then try to make up for this by working
late for days in a row. This would go well for a while, but then the
pattern would repeat. He would sit for hours trying to work on the
project while his mind drifted off onto other things.
When You Procrastinate. If you have a
Procrastination Pattern, this doesn’t necessarily mean that you always
procrastinate. It simply means that a part of you does. There may be
other parts of you that feel and act differently. And your
procrastinating part may be activated in certain situations but not in
others. You may procrastinate at work but not at home, or you may
procrastinate only about certain activities that frighten you.
If you have a Procrastination Pattern, you may also
have a tendency towards the Ease Pattern, which is the healthy version
of Procrastination. The Ease Pattern means functioning in life in a
relaxed way without effort, not being overly attached to outcome, being
present in each moment while still taking care of business. It means
that your work flows in a pleasurable, easy way as you accomplish
things.
Ease means not being tense or agitated while doing
things. It means not stressing yourself with too much work, having a
good balance of work and other activities in your life. The big
difference between Ease and Procrastination is that with the Ease
Pattern, you get things done. Your relaxation is not to avoid action but
rather to do the action in a flowing way.
我们为啥会消极怠工呢?
以下列出的原因归为这些 :
害怕失败或被人下结论；害怕被拒绝；因为觉得反正也改变不了现状所以破罐破摔；畏难情绪；对立情绪，等等。
In this article, I will be making use of what is
known in the psychotherapy field about subpersonalities or parts of
ourselves. This knowledge is especially drawn from
Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS), a powerful and respectful
approach to working with parts. You can think of parts as little people
inside us. Each has its own perspective, feelings, memories, goals, and
motivations.
The most important thing to understand about
procrastination is that it happens because there is a part of you that
doesn’t want to do the task. This part is usually unconscious. You feel
that you want to do the task, or at least you realize that you have to
do it. But you can’t understand why it isn’t getting done. This is
because there are two parts of you in conflict. One part wants to do the
task, and the other part doesn’t. In order to resolve this dilemma, you
must get in touch with the part that wants to avoid the task.
Fear of Failure or Judgment. There
are a number of reasons why this part of you might want to
procrastinate. Sometimes it is an attempt to avoid failing at something
or being judged as inadequate. You might even be afraid of being
humiliated if you stick your neck out. Frequently the tasks that get put
off are those that involve risk―making a presentation, calling people on
the phone, writing and article or a book, proposing a project, applying
for a job, starting a business. If you were judged harshly as a child by
one of your parents when you did certain things, this could make a part
of you afraid of attempting similar things now. If you were humiliated
by your siblings or friends at school, this could make a part of you
afraid to put yourself out.
For example, when Delores had homework for school,
her father would help her with it, but he had no patience for the time
needed for a child to learn things. He was constantly critical of her,
and this made her feel inadequate. Now whenever she is faced with a task
or project that could involve failure, she becomes frightened. The fear
is unconscious but it makes her avoid projects.
Other Fears. Sometimes procrastination comes from a fear of
rejection. You may avoid asking someone out on a date or going to an
event to meet new people, because you are afraid of not being liked, not
measuring up, being rejected. It can also come from a
fear of disaster or danger. Anything that causes fear of action can
result in procrastination.
Despair. Fear of
action can be compounded by a
hopeless attitude. A part of you may feel that no matter how hard you
try, you won’t be successful, you won’t get appreciation, you won’t be
accepted or loved. This is often a defense against taking risks, and a
very effective one. The hopeless part says, “Why bother taking action?
Why bother putting myself at risk? I will just be judged or dismissed
anyway.” And so it procrastinates to keep you safe.
Avoidance of Difficulties. Sometimes
procrastination is an attempt to avoid facing situations that are
painful or difficult. You might avoid something that involves having to
make a difficult choice, or confronting someone you are close to, or
seeing how much pain a loved one is feeling. Jeff is a 78 year old who
procrastinated about investigating assisted living possibilities because
he didn’t want to think about losing his functioning. Anything that you
would rather not face can become the focus of procrastination. In most
cases, you would never choose consciously to avoid it, but
procrastination happens outside of awareness.
Some people are actually identified with the part of
them that doesn’t want to take action. If you are like this, you may not
want to do tasks that you find boring or unpleasant that need to be
done. You aren’t concerned about doing them, even if not doing them
makes your life more difficult. You may not care enough about getting a
better job or taking care of your health. You may not care enough about
your grades in school or paying your bills. You may feel that life is
for enjoyment and having fun, and everything else is secondary.
Defiance. Procrastination can also be an
unconscious bid for autonomy. If a task is given to you by your boss or
your teacher, for example, a part of you may be angry at being told what
to do. This part resents being told to do something boring or difficult.
You may not be aware of the resentment because another part of you knows
that you have to do the task, and that is the part you identify with.
You are consciously planning to get the task done before the deadline,
so you push your anger into your unconscious. But you do this at your
peril because the time keeps slipping away and you aren’t getting enough
done. The resentful, procrastinating part is the one in charge. It is
defying your teacher or your boss by avoiding the task, because it wants
to be autonomous, and all this is happening without your being aware of
it. This is a form of the Passive-Aggressive Pattern.
This kind of unconscious defiance can also be
directed at a part of yourself. For example, Mike decided that he wanted
to get regular exercise to improve his health. A part of him (let’s call
it the Driver) set up an exercise program that he was supposed to
follow. However, another part of him (the Rebel) resented being told
what to do, even by another part of Mike. The Driver and the Rebel got
locked into battles outside Mike’s awareness, and the result was that
his exercising was hit-and-miss. And he didn’t keep up with it.
This dynamic often gets created when there was a
parent who frequently told you what to do in a way that didn’t respect
your own needs and desires. For example, Mike’s mother constantly nagged
at him to practice his trumpet and made him feel bad when he didn’t. She
knew he had talent and she wasn’t interested in how he felt about
playing the trumpet. Mike’s Rebel part resented his mother’s invasion of
his autonomy. Now in his current life, Mike’s Driver has a style of
assigning him tasks that is similar to his mother’s style―demanding and
critical. This is an example of the Inner Critic Pattern. This does not
sit well with the Rebel. Any time his Driver part sets up a task, it
feels like another invasion and the Rebel goes on strike. This is an
example of the Defiance Pattern. Those two are constantly in conflict.
In Internal Family Systems Therapy, this dynamic is called polarization.
后面的还是去看原文叭。
基本上分析了一下两极化的现象，就是一边自己在责备自己，一边自己又反感对立这种苛责，所以忙着自己跟自己左右互搏，以致啥也干不了。最后还说到如果你身边有人是有种消极怠工的问题，你该拿他怎么办。主要原则就是你不能老数落他，因为消极怠工的人往往自己心里也是知道的，而且往往就是由于小时候被逼多了，产生逆反心理，所以你越数落他他越没法干，只能当顺毛儿驴。嘿嘿嘿。
昨儿我很郁闷。原因呢可以车咕噜话说到天亮。骆同志听得都要睡死过去了，我把他推醒，逼他这么对我说: "亲爱的，这都不是你的错，你简直太倒霉了，不过因为你特别神勇，所以肯定能打败他们。" 他竟然还能清醒地意识到这是一个圈套，不肯原文复述，非得想想，说:嗯，我基本同意，不过。。。遭到我的毒掌。
唉。昨天晚上我郁闷地窝在骆同志旁边有一搭没一搭地看电视，他起来拿东西，再坐回来的时候，我已经出溜到他的靠垫上了，他竟然就这么坐了下去。。。我脸埋在靠垫里面，闷声叫起来: 不要坐我头上!!!!
他看着我跟小狗一样窝成一团的姿势，大笑道: 受不了了，没见过你这么搞笑的郁闷孩子!
原来，我郁闷起来也这么有娱乐效果。
D在跟我交流与ld共同生活的经验教训时候，总是感慨我，竟然都是当笑话讲出来的，哪怕是吵架吵到没辄没辄的，气得要死要活的事，让我一讲就觉得特搞笑。唉，你说，一到客人来访前打扫卫生时候，骆同学这个要求完美精致到极限的神经质就会自动消失到书房或后院去，鼓捣客人压根看不到的文件和花草，我到底是该气还是该乐呢? 上周末，他又义正词严地宣布，今天不许玩了，要赶紧把客厅打扫干净。我说，你那么凶干嘛，他说，我看你那样子就是要反对阿。我对天发誓，我都没有睡醒呢，根本没有要反对的意思。接着我决定整理刚拍的照片，遭到他的指责，我不理，他就在我旁边走来走去，似乎在收拾东西，其实是在搞出动静来烦我。一会我照片整理完了，他也消失了。后来的一整天，他都在跟书房的电脑作战，为了那对10块钱买的小音箱的杂音问题上窜下跳，看似很忙很烦的样子。而我，把厨房和客厅全打扫完了，还洗了衣服，哼哼哼。再比如，我们俩的轨距是我做饭他收拾厨房他做饭我收拾厨房，可是我做饭时候他会磨蹭着拖拉着不收拾厨房，经常是我再做饭时候要用锅碗，不得不自己先收拾了再开始做；他还会几天不做饭不收拾之后突然做饭一次，然后理直气壮地把一个礼拜糟蹋的厨房留给我: 我今天做饭了所以该你收拾了!!!
看，这些事我现在提起来也很搞笑了似的。
我郁闷起来的时候，一般都会表现出来。比如昨天，我一回家就对正在锻炼胸大肌的骆同学喊:我很郁闷，别惹我! 然后我准备煮饺子时候他又要做饭，我又再次跟他说: 我饿死了，等你做饭我会发狂地。然后在厨房晃来晃去找岔招他说话。还好他这次做得很快。吃饭的时候我又把电视关了，对他说: 我郁闷，不要看电视。吃完饭我又说: 我郁闷，咱们出去散步叭。可是他竟然以懒得换衣服为由拒绝了我。再之后，我就窝沙发上，后来出溜倒下，又被他一屁股坐在了脑袋上。。。我爬起来双手撑在沙发上再次宣布: 不许笑了，我很郁闷!!! 他笑得更凶了: 你，你，你这个姿势怎么像小狗! 他拒绝听我诉说我到底为什么郁闷–这恐怕是很明智的举措，其实–光封我为"天下第一搞笑郁闷孩儿"，把我给打发了。之后我的种种欠招举动一一被他用:" 这个表情真好玩!" "逗死我了，你是天下第一搞笑!"之类给化解了。直到我满意地用"funniest depressed person"做 msn的签名为止。
看来，我真的很没有林mm的气质。
